Phoenix Suns center Frank Kaminsky, as explained by Strait No Chaser’s 12 Days Of Christmas
By Ian Milliman
Phoenix Suns center, Frank Kaminsky, has had an up and down year. If he were a Christmas carol, he would most certainly be Strait No Chaser’s 12 Days of Christmas.
Not unlike Phoenix Suns center, Frank Kaminsky, it’s hard catching up with Strait No Chaser’s 12 Days of Christmas. It starts out as a fairly straight forward take on the classic carol before quickly becoming its own thing, with overlapping verses or skipping them altogether. Then, about halfway though the song, it takes a drastic left turn and ends up in the middle of Toto’s Africa.
Yeah, you read that right, 1982’s pop-rock hit Africa. Somehow it covers both songs at the same time.
On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me
On the 12th day my true love gave to me
12 drummers drumming like Olympus on the Serengeti
11 pipers piping, 10 lords a-leaping!
9 ladies dancing, they were dancing for me
8 maids a-milking, they were milking just for me
I had Christmas down in Africa
I had Christmas down in Africa
I had Christmas down in Africa
You get it.
Tonally, this thing all over the map. It’s a minor miracle the song works at all, yet, somehow it does.
Speaking of being all over the place, Frank Kaminsky, who is maybe the most 80’s player in the modern NBA, plays for the Phoenix Suns now.
Not that Frank has played for so many teams—this being only his second team in his four years in the league. No, with Frank Kaminsky, you just never know what you’re going to get.
Consistently inconsistent, Kaminsky, in 23 minutes against the Rockets, managed only 4 points. Two games—only four days later—he plays the Grizzlies and comes away with 24 points in 26 minutes of play. These are two teams relatively the same in defensive rating and the pace in which they play, yet Kaminsky’s play was wildly different.
In short, he’s more up and down than Tenzing Norgay.
Maybe that’s what makes him so interesting to watch. He can get you 20 points in a half and you’re thinking, “Now this is what I’m talking about. This is the Frank I always knew was in there.”
Then, in the next half, he’ll get you 4 points, and you think, “Same old Frank Kaminsky. He’s exactly what I thought he would be.”
But no matter where Frank takes you, you always seem to enjoy the ride. It might not be what you were expecting, maybe not even what you were hoping for, but he always keeps you guessing. I suppose that’s something.
To be frank, (pun intended) with no discernible athleticism and almost zero lateral foot speed, Frank himself is a small miracle. He survives solely the genetic gift of being a seven footer who can shoot a decent percentage from beyond the arc and is a willing passer.
But who knows, by this time next year Kaminsky could be playing professionally in Africa. With Frank, you just never know.