Suns forward Kelly Oubre Jr., as explained by Bad Religion’s O Come All Ye Faithful

Phoenix Suns (Photo by Michael Gonzales/NBAE via Getty Images)
Phoenix Suns (Photo by Michael Gonzales/NBAE via Getty Images) /

When Kelly Oubre Jr. arrived in the Valley, he looked to start something different, and it changed the way Phoenix Suns fans saw their team. In a good way.

It starts out with a quick flurry of a drum solo that sounds more like Dominic Toretto revving up his 1970 Dodge Charger. This is Phoenix Suns wing, Kelly Oubre Jr. during pregame-–bouncing up and down, throwing his head from side to side, arc-flexing his arms, revving up his engine.

Enter Bad Religion front man Greg Graffin, with his throat full of gravel, holding a 4-count on the song’s first syllable:

O-o-o-o come all ye faithful

Joyful and triumphant

O come ye, O come ye, to Bethlehem

Bethlehem, in this case, being The Valley.

This is Oubre Jr., winking at you with a sly grin as he calls out to the Suns faithful, “Come and join us. Join the Valley Boyz revolution. Things are getting better now.”

Oubre Jr. arrived in the Valley via a trade with the Washington Wizards for his bizarro doppelgänger, Trevor Ariza. Ariza, having signed a $15 million one-year deal with the Suns over the 2018 free agency period, took his money and pouted all the way to the bank. He was a dark cloud over a––up to that point––joyless season.

Getting rid of Ariza was like turning off Alanis Morissette’s Jagged Little Pill playing at your birthday party.

Getting Oubre Jr. was like putting in a TLC mixtape; the vibe just changes.

Hail! Lord we greet thee

Born this happy morning

From go, as soon as Oubre Jr. put on a Suns jersey, he was preaching the good news. Dubbing the young core as the Valley Boyz, saying all the right things and winning over legions of fans with his hustle and style of play.

No, they did not go on some storybook win streak and make the playoffs. Actually the opposite. They won only 19 game that season. But people were getting excited again about the team. They were getting excited about Kelly Oubre Jr.

O come let us adore him

O come let us adore him

O come let us adore him

As Bad Religion blitzes through the beloved Christmas hymn, so goes Oubre Jr. on the court, knifing through the opposing defense or shooting the gap of a passing lane. He’s singing it fast, almost aggressive, out there on the court and he’s asking us to join him on the ride.

Next. Ricky Rubio, as explained by Run Rudolph Run. dark


Sing quire of angels, sing in exhalation 

Oh, sing all that hear in Heaven, God’s holy word

This is Tsunami Papi, the punk rock Valley evangelist with a playful wink.