What Phoenix Suns nicknames would be on their jerseys
If the NBA instituted the use of nicknames on player’s jersey’s, what what the Phoenix Suns’ uniforms look like?
The NBA should take a page out of XFL’s book and allow players to put whatever name they want on their jersey, at least for a couple games. Major League Baseball does, calls it Players Weekend and everyone freaking loves it.
The NBA actually did do this, once, for a single game between the Brooklyn Nets and Miami Heat back in 2014.
Current Phoenix Suns General Manager and lacker of cool nickname, James “JJ” Jones, even participated in this event as a player on that Heat team.
The NBA has special jerseys for Christmas games and other promotions every year, so it’s not a stretch to have a day where players channel their inner He Hate Me and get creative.
The Suns have a group of guys with outstanding nicknames that would look amazing on the back of a jersey. Let’s explore:
Dario Šarić: Super Dario
Super Dario is by far my personal favorite, but Šarić has also has been dubbed The Homie and Šiši (pronounced She She). In my vision, he would also fully commit to the Super Dario character, and after every made 3, do a little skip and exclaim, “It’s a me!”
Devin Booker: Book
Short, to the point, and an inanimate object. Book has it all. Also, Drake immortalized this nickname with the lyric, “Wet like I’m Book,” so clearly, it’s now set in stone. For the rap illiterate, wet loosely translates to awesome, specially at shooting 3’s in Book’s case, even though Drake is decidedly not wet when it comes to that skill set.
Kelly Oubre Jr.: Tsunami Papi
The best part of this nickname and Twitter handle is that he formerly used Wave Papi. However, now that he’s more fierce and dangerous, he upgraded to tsunami status. He comes at you fast and unexpected creating all kinds of carnage in the process. Well played, Papi.
Tyler Johnson: Bumpy
I have no idea why Tyler Johnson was given the nickname Bumpy, but apparently people really do call him that. It’s so cheesy, it’s kind of awesome and having it stitched on the back of a uniform might make people actually want to buy a Tyler Johnson jersey.
Frank Kaminsky: The Tank
If you’re huge, named Frank, and your friends don’t call you The Tank, you need to get new friends. Call me a sucker for Will Ferrell characters, but The Tank is far superior than his alternate nickname, Moose. Just please, Frank, no streaking across Camelback Road.
Mikal Bridges: Noodles
When Bridges was a kid, he was scrawny and lanky. Kids, being the heathens they are, ripped him with similarly gangly nicknames such as Noodles, Inspector Go Go Gadget, String Bean, Brittle (short for Brittle Bones), and Praying Mantis. Of course, Mikal eventually grew into his body and now makes a lot more money than those jerks on the playground.
Aron Baynes: Bangers
Baynes garnered the nickname Bangers (sometimes Big Banger) because, and stay with me here, he’s big and he bangs into people a lot. Also, I’d like to think it’s because bangers and mash is a staple food group in his native New Zealand. Now that would be a good combo nickname for a big-man duo. Who could be the Mash to Aron’s Bangers? I’m looking at you, Cheick Diallo (who is actually currently shopping for a nickname. Let’s get this started, Valley of the Suns fans)!
Ricky Rubio: Ricky
I know, Ricky isn’t a nickname, it’s just his name, but back with Rubio was a teenage phenom playing for the Spanish National Team, he used his first name on the back of his jersey. For some reason, this is a privilege that the NBA has only even awarded to Yao Ming. He should definitely use Ricky again to resurrect this glory days back when he could throw a football over them mountains.
The more I think about it, let’s go all out. Why stop with the name on the back?
Sprawl Valley Boyz across the front of the jersey and there’s not a Suns fan alive that wouldn’t line up around Talking Stick Resort Arena to buy one.
Next. Monty Williams doesn't have to make the playoffs to be Coach of the Year. dark
You know Drake would show up at his next concert wearing a Valley Boyz’ Book jersey.
Come on, NBA. Do this. We can discuss the details of my profit sharing for the idea at a later date.