Handing out 10 fake Phoenix Suns awards

Monday night is the NBA Awards show, which got us thinking: since the Phoenix Suns don’t have any award finalists, what awards do they deserve?

It’s an absolute outrage that no Suns player or coach is nominated for an award tonight. Actually, it makes perfect sense. But nonetheless, everyone deserves to win an award, so we’re holding our own Dundies style awards ceremony to celebrate a 2017-18 Phoenix Suns season in which one thing’s for sure: they definitely played basketball.

Without further ado, let’s hand out some hardware.

The “Win Zero Games” Award – Earl Watson

Earl Watson coached the Suns to zero wins. He coached three games. The Suns won zero of them. A winning percentage of zero is rare. Watson deserves an award for that.

Worst Haircut – Eric Bledsoe

Josh Jackson and Elfrid Payton also got haircuts. It was definitely disappointing since both guys had such great hair before. But at least their trips to the barber seem to be voluntary. Eric Bledsoe didn’t even want to be there.

Laziest Performance – Tyson Chandler

Chandler often seemed entirely disinterested on there court, often completely unaware on the defensive end of the floor. But other than getting beat off back cuts, Chandler’s appearance was lazy as well. I mean, come on, do something with that beard, big fella!

The “Born in the Wrong Era” Award – T.J. Warren

People often talk about being born in the wrong time. There’s something about old sitcoms that makes young people nostalgic about an era that never actually existed. But in T.J. Warren’s case, it actually makes a lot of sense. His game would be terrific 20 years ago, but unfortunately in today’s three and D style NBA, Warren is the anti three and D player. He’s essentially good at everything except the two most important skills. If only he could go back in time.

The “Who?” Award – Josh Gray

Yes, someone named Josh Gray played for the Phoenix Suns this season. He actually played more games (five) than Eric Bledsoe (three). In his unremarkable time in Phoenix, he did nothing particularly well, shooting 26.8 percent (lol) from the field in 17.2 (oh wow that’s kind of a lot) minutes per game.

The “Actually Good” Award – Devin Booker

Plenty of guys can put up inflated numbers on a horrible team. T.J. Warren averaged almost 20 points this season, and he’s probably coming off the bench next year after the Suns traded up for his replacement on the wing. But Devin Booker is actually good at basketball, and the Suns are lucky to have him.

Most Like Jared Sullinger – Greg Monroe

Greg Monroe is a lot like Jared Sullinger. He’s big. He’s slow. He can’t play defense. He has a nice touch around the rim. Watching him makes me feel sick to my stomach. Everything you look for in a Jared Sullinger clone. Later in the season he went to Boston to go make Celtics fans’ stomachs hurt in limited minutes.

Most Big – Alex Len

Alex Len is tall and heavy. He is the most big player on the Phoenix Suns. I would say he’s the biggest, but that sounds too much like a good thing. Alex Len is the most big. The following is a list of Len’s complete skillset:

• He’s big

That’s it.

The “Maybe Next Year” Award – Dragan Bender

We knew Bender probably wouldn’t be good his rookie season. He wasn’t. We thought maybe he’d be good this year. He wasn’t. But maybe he’ll be good next year. After all, everyone knew he was raw as a prospect when he was drafted, and he’s still not even 21. He could be good down the line. He’s just not right now.

Next: Suns to renounce Alex Len, end an era of disappointment

Most Surprising Skillset – Marquese Chriss

When Chriss was drafted, his combination of elite athleticism and solid shooting touch projected him as a good offensive player. Unfortunately, he’s actually been a very bad offensive player. But he’s turned himself into an above average defender, which is a very pleasant surprise. His advanced stats show the major leap he made on the defensive end this season.

Provided by Basketball-Reference.com: View Original Table
Generated 6/25/2018.

If Chriss can keep up his solid defense and turn into the offensive player we thought he’d be, he should turn into a quality NBA role player.