Phoenix Suns: 10 peculiarities about the Disney Bubble

When the Phoenix Suns return to play at Disney World, they will have an array of rules to follow, some of which are a little more peculiar than others.

Wear a mask in public. Wear a mask in public. Wear a mask in public. Okay, now that is out of my system, let’s talk about some of the Walt Disney World rules, safety measures, and downright oddities the Phoenix Suns and the other 21 teams will have to abide by when the NBA returns.

The league released a 113-page document detailing all of the regulations, protocols, schedules, etc. teams can expect in this much-discussed bubble environment. It’s thorough, but on top of that, it’s also creative.

Don’t take my word for it, the nation’s most famous healthcare professional, Dr. Anthony Fauci, called it creative in his interview with Stadium.

Okay, so it’s creative, but is it safe? Yeah, I think it is. If fact, there are some areas where they may have gone a little overboard and that’s coming from a guy who started off this article by upsetting hundreds of readers by mask-shaming them.

On top of that, there are some straight-up weird rules, devices, and options that cause my face to jerk into a strange expression between laughter, confusion, and bewilderment.

NBA media gurus Shams, Woj, and Lowe worked overtime yesterday delivering much of this news, so if you want to scroll through their Twitter timelines for more detail, have at it, but here is a compilation of 10 of those tidbits ranked in no particular order.

1. Three small gyms

The basketball universe will be reduced to three tiny gyms. One has the super original name of the Arena, another is called the HP Field House and the last is the Visa Athletic Center. My guess is that by the time you are reading this, the Arena will have a sponsor.

I say that partly because it is the only one without a sponsor, but also because it is the biggest. It features two practice facilities compared to HP’s one and Visa’s zero. From the pictures obtained by the Athletic, it looks like the Arena has the most stands as well, which makes me wonder if this will be the preferred space or if the stark number of empty seats will be an undesirable TV backdrop.

In other words, there is no word yet on which will be the equivalent to Wimbledon’s center court.

2. Super regimented schedule

The league also gave out an example game day schedule teams can expect. Here is the rundown:

Breakfast: 8:30 – 10:00 (staggered based on the designated home team and away team)
Team Shootaround: 10:00 – 12:00 (virtual media availability for 2-3 players)
Lunch: 11:30 – 2:30 (staggered based on the designated home team and away team)
Downtime: 2:30 – 4:30
Pregame warmups/meetings: 5:00 – 7:00
Gametime: 7:10-9:40
Postgame: 9:40-10:30 (includes media available for at least 2 players)
Showers and meal at the hotel: 11:00 pm

Sounds like summer camp.

Transportation will also be provided to and from the arena and is expected to take about 15 minutes. Based on the sheer number of games that need to be played (88 to be exact, just for the regular season) in about two weeks’ time on only three courts, expect to see more than three games per day, and this is likely just the schedule for the 7 pm starts.

3. Hierarchy of hotels

When this NBA season started, no one thought they’d be playing for how nice of a hotel they’d be residing in Disney World but here we are. Teams will stay at three different hotels and which hotel depends on their current seeding.

The Bucks, Lakers, Raptors, Clippers, Celtics, Nuggets, Jazz, Heat will be staying at the luxurious Grand Destino hotel.

Next, the Thunder, 76ers, Rockets, Pacers, Mavericks, Nets, Grizzlies, Magic will be staying at the slightly less luxurious Grand Floridian.

Finally, the Trail Blazers, Kings, Pelicans, Spurs, Wizards, and Phoenix Suns will call the run-down motel known as the Yacht Club home for two weeks.

Kidding. It’s also super nice. It’s called the freaking Yacht Club, after all.

Still, I find it funny they tiered teams as if they really are at summer camp and certain folks paid more than others for an upgraded cabin.

4. Each team is required to have a security official

The league will require NBA teams have certain positions in their maximum 35-person traveling party: an athletic trainer, strength/conditioning coach, equipment manager, and team security official.

Wait, what?

Teams must have a security guard…inside a bubble? That seems like the easiest job on the planet. It’s not like there will be hoards of fans claiming for selfies; there won’t be any.

I suppose some of the ancillary Disney staff might consider getting a little aggressive in their attempts to get close up to LeBron James, but team security seems like overkill.

On top of that, individual players can have a one-person entourage that is either a personal trainer, massage therapist, or (another) security official. I don’t have any of those, but if a player has all three, how will they choose only one?

5. Bench personnel will wears masks

This is one of the safety measures I find to be a little over the top. During games, the bench will consist of two rows. The first row will have active players and coaches who will not be required to wear a mask. Then, there will be a second row with inactive players and coaches who will be required to wear a mask.

The head coach is not required but encouraged to wear a mask, and referees will not be required to wear a mask.

Remember, masks work, and Arizonian’s flippantness with them is one of the main reasons the state is spiking with COVID-19 cases right now. Having said that, if Arizona was in a contained bubble with only a set amount of people in it that can’t come or go and 100% of everyone must test negative to remain inside, I might have a different take on their necessity.

This is the environment we have with Disney, and yet, for two and a half hours on game days, a few people will have to wear a mask.

Perhaps it’s the optics, in which case, I kind of understand. America seeing people of import on television exemplifying model behavior is a good thing.

6. There will be a tattletale hotline

No, not a tattletale hotline, an accountability hotline. If someone observes someone else break health protocols or worse, leave the bubble without approval, there will be a hotline to report such violations.

The hotline will be anonymous, of course, and players in violation will be subject to suspensions and fines.

If a player or staff member does leave, they will be subject to a 10-14 day quarantine when they return as well as more invasive COVID-19 testing such as the dreaded nasal swap, which has been described by some as a nurse shoving a pick into their brain.

On top of that, they will not be paid for any games they miss.

To be completely clear, I’m joking about calling it a tattletale hotline. It just made for a good header. What’s better is honest, peer-to-peer accountability. In every profession.

7. Players won’t be punished for skipping out, sort of

Adam Silver said he stands behind players who choose to sit out voluntarily. Whether it be for a feeling they can do more for social issues by not playing or they don’t feel the risk of obtaining COVID-19 is worth the benefit of more games, they will be allowed to skip out with no punishment.

Sort of.

If a player chooses not to play, they will also not get paid. Specifically, they will forego 1/92.6 of their salary.

Call me crazy, but losing money based on an action sounds a lot like a fine, a term I would put squarely in the category of punishment.

There will be a few exceptions. If a player is deemed a high-risk patient from a health standpoint or has another form of an excused absence, they may skip out and still get paid.

8. No doubles ping-pong

Woj noted this as his favorite detail of the 113-page health report and it’s hard to argue with him. Per the report, “Players should play singles [ping-pong] only so that they can maintain six feet of distance from each other.”

I mean, come on.

Deandre Ayton and Devin Booker will be battling with each other on the court at least eight times during their Disney stay. You’re telling me they can’t team up and battle with each other on the ping-pong table?

What about cornhole? There will be lawn games available at the hotels, and I can only assume the most popular backyard sport on the planet will be there. Maybe they will be forced to go ACL style and step out after each shot.

Other amenities include a players-only lounge, video games, pool, barbers, manicurists/pedicurists, movie screenings, and DJ sets.

Wait, DJ sets? There will be more people here than most people realize, but a dance spot at an NBA bubble? There’s going to be a lot of dudes in that club.

Then again that’s pretty much every club in America, so yeah. Okay.

9. Proximity alarm

Well, this is a weird one. Players will have the option to wear a proximity alarm that will notify a player if he spends more than five seconds within six feet of someone also wearing an alarm.

This has to be some kind of free device giveaway they got from a sponsor because there’s no way anyone expects players to actually wear of one these things. It sounds okay in theory, but if everyone had one of these on, it would be the most annoying chorus of beeps in the history of mankind within the first three hours of everyone being on campus.

Again, to go back to my point about masks on the bench, while social distancing is incredibly important for the general public, this is such a contained environment, societal health regulations are slightly less important inside the bubble.

The whole point is to put these guys in a space where they are safe from the outside and the baseline is zero positive cases. Once they are contained, they (in theory) should have the freedom to move about as they please.

10. The health ring

Growing up, I always considered the first year of “the future” to be 2020. While we don’t have flying cars, we do have TVs we can talk to, and now, a ring that can assess a person’s health.

Players and team staff will be given the option to use a wearable ring that tracks heart rate, respiration rate, and other variables. The device also features an “illness probability score” that indicates a player might be at greater risk of contracting COVID-19.

Mood rings have really come a long way. These things are a step away from summoning Captain Planet.

Team staff will not have any access to player data from the wearable ring (should any player actually choose to wear it) aside from instances in which the “illness probability score” triggers a further medical review.

I don’t know what I would do with it, but I kind of want one.