Don't Kid Yourself, This Will Go Wrong

Every week of this lockout ever since the negotiations ramped up to weekly or bi-weekly meetings has been a sort of a reverse Easter. First we have a resurrection, then we have a day of people sitting around and wondering what the hell happened to the resurrected guy while he’s going through hell, and then, on the third we see the resurrected crucified. The guys name? Lockout Talks. Put it the story on an endless loop and whimper on the third day every frigging time.

Perhaps then it is fitting that the third day (albeit with a break) of the NBA’s Easter comes on a Friday, as just as on Easter Friday, something will actually die. In this case (oh, how ironic) it will be Christmas. You see, the NBA is doing a poor, twisted impression of one Christian holiday just to ruin the other for many, many fans. It all makes sense now, doesn’t it?

And with so much good news bombarding us from both sides of the table, like Jeff Kessler being delicately rooted out of the talks or Owners loosening up on the MLE, it’s hard not to get your hopes up for a deal. There is however, a reason for which I’ve linked you two posts written by Matt Moore. The reason?

Hope is Stupid – Matt Moore

Matt has been disillusioned about this, and while last week I was certain that a deal would be done Wednesday at the latest, today, I can’t help but agree. Hope is stupid right now. Not only does it trick you into dumb bets (I’m probably going to lose 10 bucks, thank you, NBA & NBPA!) but it also makes you wait for a positive resolution in a way reserved for kids waiting for Christmas presents. However, if the resolutions of any of these talks were in any way tantamount to Christmas Presents, they’d be your brothers old sown up socks, something that’s probably worse than nothing. Seriously, saying “I got nothing for Christmas” sounds way better than “I got an old pair of socks.”

Now, while I would love to see this all end and sing kumbaya around a virtual fireplace put up on a celebratory Google+ hangout, I won’t get that opportunity. Why? Because there’s a whole list of things that can go wrong. Let’s see…

  • The owners will want to get money back for the lost games, so they cut back on BRI
  • Boies and Quinn won’t be satisfied with just the MLE after smelling some blood within the NBA ranks, and will strengthen the offer while Jeffrey Kessler laughs manically
  • Michael Jordan will challenge Derek Fisher to a pickup game to determine who gets what he wants BRI wise, and win. Players revolt against Fisher, while the owners don’t go below the betted-on deal, quoting Chivalry as a legal basis.
  • The owners see Derek Fisher entering the negotiations (upon request by Hunter, no less) take a quick photo or two and scream “SO YOU DIDN’T DISCLAIM INTEREST! YOU LOST ALL OF YOUR CASES” then run off to the courts to file the pictures as evidence.
  • The sides come in, Hunter asks Stern whether the owners have moved, the answer is no. Stern asks Hunter whether the players have moved, the answer’s no, they sit around gossiping about Michael Jordan’s gambling addiction for 3 hours and then come out to spew hatred at each other during their press conferences
  • Gary Bettman convinces the NHL owners to stay where they are only to stir the owner ranks and generate more revenue for the NHL
  • They reach a handshake agreement on the A-List and then can’t reach an agreement on the B-List (umm, drug-testing and minimum age to name a few)
  • They write up a new CBA, but it doesn’t pass one or both of the votes.
  • The Boston Celtics blow (bleeps) to the moon
  • The union fails to reform back from a Trade Association due to some wacky legal hurdle.
Seriously, so much can go wrong I find it hard to believe that they’ll get it all done right. Brace yourselves for a basketball-less Christmas, boys and girls.

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Tags: Billy Hunter David Stern Derek Fisher Michael Jordan Nba Lawsuits Nba Legal Battle Nba Lockout Nba Lockout Negotiations

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