Best. (Possible) GM. Ever.

I’ve been a star before. Steve has never really been a star.

This is all you need to know about why the Suns should right now, today, hire Charles Barkley as their GM.  In fact, that quote is part of the first of five big reasons why Sir Charles would be the perfect hire for the Suns in (very late) June of 2010…
#1:
He tells the truth.  He says what’s on his mind.  He doesn’t bullshit.  It doesn’t matter whether he’s talking about the Suns’ former GM or about the reason he ran a stop sign and got a DUI.  Chuck tells it like it is (!) and doesn’t care about who’s listening.  I don’t know about you, but I get awfully tired of every status quo GM interview.  I mean, Mark Cuban answering the same bullshit questions with the same bullshit answers while on a Stairmaster qualifies as interesting?  Please.  Let’s hear Chuck talk about a trade he made or how he really feels about the officiating after a game.  And those trades?  That reminds me of
#2:
He’ll be accountable.  This piggybacks on the whole truth thing, but if Chuck makes a trade or signs a guy or hires a coach who sucks, he’ll be the first one to say so.  And if he was forced to make Charles wouldn’t hesitate to call anyone out…from the player to the coach to Sarver hizzownself.  Or maybe you’d prefer the Suns hire some wishy-washy loser who will stand up in front of reporters and give bullshit excuses in response to softball questions lobbed his way.  Yeah.  That would be fun.  But seriously…
#3:
Wouldn’t it be nice to have something different for a change?  All the crap cliches and double-talk and mumbo-jumbo outta these guys mouths ceased to be interesting a very long time ago.  And this might not have been a big deal 15 years ago, but there is so much coverage of everything these days that GMs are constantly expected to give press conferences and interviews and all that other garbage.  Wouldn’t it be nice if one of those interviews featured a guy who didn’t spend the entire time saying, “Well, uh, we just have to, um, you know…play better and if we do we’ll win some more games and we need to play better defense and crash the boards.”  Yeah, nice.  So insightful.  That really gives me a window what it’s like to run an NBA team.  Charles would say things like, “He completely sucks right now,” and “Steve Javie is a asshole.”  Now, that’s just a for-instance, of course…nobody would ever call Steve Javie a asshole.
#4:
It’s entirely possible that the Suns aren’t going anywhere fast anytime soon.  Look, I don’t know that Amar’e is the long-term answer for the Suns.  I’ve been over that before.  But they cost more money than their owner seems to be willing to spend, and without some creativity, they’re most likely gonna get worse before they get better.  But hey…Sarver knows the value of publicity, and Charles would definitely hook the Suns up with plenty of publicity whether they’re winning or not.  And besides that…if Chuck really wants to dive in and give it a go, he may be willing to work cheap (I’m not saying he will, I’m saying he may) and Phoenix just happens to have an owner who loooooooooooooves people who will work cheap (and don’t count against the luxury tax!).  And besides that…if anybody would stand up to Sarver in that position, it’s Chuck.  It wasn’t Kerr.
#5:
This one is actually in two parts; first, it’s not like he’d be going it alone…there’s a reason teams employ an entire front office featuring assistant GMs and capologists and what have you.  This is the same reason all the lamentations over David Griffin leaving the Suns were so weak–Kerr didn’t suddenly become a great GM because the Suns had a good season, and Griffin didn’t suddenly become a viable GM because Kerr left.  Griffin was part of the Kerr team, and as we say here at Sun-N-Gun: Good Riddance To The Kerr Team!  Second, it’s not like he’ll be here forever; either he’ll get bored or tired of Sarver’s shit or, you know, working…and he’ll just go back to working one day a week for TNT (although it’s unfortunate that he’s not with ESPN…he could just keep working for them at the same time since they have no trouble whatsoever with conflicts of interest [and while we're on that subject, how cool would that be if a GM were also an analyst at the same time?  I think it could be awesome if it were someone like Charles]) and all the haters could be right.
Seriously, though, I guess my only question would be Why not try it?  Give it a shot and see where it goes.  Chuck For GM!  I’d vote for him.

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