Señor Sun-N-Gun: Late to the Party
By Editorial Staff
So I was gonna write a post linking to a bunch of articles people had written about the Suns and Lakers headed into Monday’s game. Well, sumbitch if somebody didn’t already do that. NBA.com did that right here on their quotes page. I’d just like to grab a couple of the quotes they quoted and tell you what I think (because, after all, why in the ever-lovin’ hell would you show up here if it weren’t for my wicked-crazy insights?):
"Bill Plaschke of the LA Times writes: “Before watching the Lakers take the court against the Utah Jazz for the fourth game of a 3-0 playoff series Monday, I figured the ensuing Western Conference finals would be a regular Nash pit. I figured wrong. The Phoenix Suns have no chance. Anybody who watched the Lakers tear apart the NBA’s most synchronized team on its most important night at its ear-bending home would agree.”"
Oh, Christ. I’m not ready for you yet, Plaschke. Great googly-moogly. I assume NBA.com put you first so they could just be rid of you. I may not even be able to get to you tonight. Your stupid-ass drivel might require its own separate post. I hate you.
"Sekou Smith of NBA.com writes about Kobe’s search for revenge against the Suns: “The ‘Let’s go Suns’ chants started in the final seconds Monday night at EnergySolutions Arena. What else could the Jazz fans do after being swept in four games for the first time in franchise history, the clincher a 111-96 Game 4 loss to the Los Angeles Lakers in the conference semifinals? Funny thing is, Lakers star Kobe Bryant was thinking same thing. ‘Let’s get to the Suns.'”"
Okay, so this is one of those manufactured storylines I’m already tired of, and I’m sure they’ll continue up until the series starts…and throughout the series, actually. Suns win a game? The Lakers aren’t getting their revenge. Lakers take one? It’s because they’re still pissed about losing to the Suns in the far-distant past (and really, sports don’t work on a geologic scale; things change in a hurry in sports, and any talk of rivalry is stupid at best). I mean, seriously…who was it who talked about rooting for laundry? Now we’ve decided that Kobe (or whoever) wants revenge on laundry. Who does he want revenge on? Raja Bell? Sorry–not here. Boris Diaw? Negative. The only Sun Kobe can take any “revenge” on is Nash. But I have a hard time picturing Kobe dredging up these horrible memories from the past to get himself psyched for a game against the Suns.
"Alan Hahn of Newsday writes how D’Antoni sees the Suns’ sweep as vindication: “Mike D’Antoni watched Sunday with a smile as the Suns, as he put it, ‘slayed an old nemesis’ by sweeping the Spurs in a Western Conference semifinal. He appreciated what it meant for his former allies Steve Nash, Amar’e Stoudemire and coach Alvin Gentry, but D’Antoni also took from the Suns’ success a measure of personal vindication. That’s his system the Suns are playing.”"
Ok, now this one is a little interesting. Yeah, I’m sure that for Nash and Amar’e it was hella nice to beat the damn Spurs. And I’m sure that D’Antoni watched those games and grinned from ear to ear as Nash and STAT and Gentry got it done against a team that was most definitely his nemesis during his Phoenix tenure. I know that I just talked about how the past doesn’t matter…but it of course matters a little bit. Was Nash pumped to beat the Spurs? Hell yes. Did he press and let his desire for revenge affect him? Hell no. But here’s the difference between the Suns and the Lakers…for the Suns, the Spurs are the damn nemesis. They knocked ’em out of the playoff approximately 172 times. They were just sittin’ there in the way year after year. Now, the Suns beat the Lakers a couple of those years when they were beaten by the Spurs. But guess what–the Lakers won a damn NBA championship!! What the hell do they need revenge for? Don’t give me any of that bull about Kobe’s competitive spirit or any of that. The Lakers won it all. They have no need for revenge. The Suns beat the Lakers when they were Kobe and the pupu platter. That is not the Lakers of right now. If you recall, the Lakers have won a whole lot of games…ever since they traded the pupu platter for Pau Gasol (but don’t worry, Kobe still won the MVP that year, even though they were middling at best until the Spanish Bird showed up).
"NBA.com‘s Art Garcia writes about how the Suns’ playoff run may have been paved with luck: “Karma or good luck? Perhaps it’s a bit of both for the Suns. The Western Conference finalists have taken a somewhat surprising path through the first two rounds. Some might call a road lined with luck. ‘No one even expected us to be in the playoffs,’ Jason Richardson said. Phoenix, it could be argued, fell into the No. 3 seed.”"
Ok, now there’s some bull sittin’ up there is this one. Luck? What luck is that? Is Artie suggesting that things would have gone differently for the Suns had they played other teams? I mean, here are the six West teams that made the playoffs and have since gone home: Dallas, Denver, Utah, Portland, San Antonio, Oklahoma City. Well, the Suns smoked two of those…is the insinuation that the Suns would have lost to Dallas, Denver, Utah, or OKC? Please. And wait–fell into the No. 3 seed? What in the hell is that supposed to mean? The Suns were 28-7 (that’s TWENTY-EIGHT-AND-SEVEN for those who are mathematically disinclined) over the last 35 games of the season. That’s an .800 winning percentage. Sure, there’s luck in everything. But there’s a whole parcel worth of good in there, too. Shut up, Art. You’re almost as bad as Plaschke.
"Ken Berger of CBSSports.com writes how the Suns’ run will end against the Lakers: “Kudos to the Suns, who still score with the best of them but have embraced the ingredient that wins in the playoffs. It was defense that got Phoenix past Portland, and it was defense that finally got them past longtime postseason nemesis San Antonio. Now they face the next hurdle — one that is difficult to imagine them overcoming despite their stirring playoff run. That would be size.”"
Whatever. Alright, I’m ready for your sorry butt, Plaschke.
"Bill Plaschke of the LA Times writes: “Before watching the Lakers take the court against the Utah Jazz for the fourth game of a 3-0 playoff series Monday, I figured the ensuing Western Conference finals would be a regular Nash pit. I figured wrong. The Phoenix Suns have no chance. Anybody who watched the Lakers tear apart the NBA’s most synchronized team on its most important night at its ear-bending home would agree.”"
Ok, Chris Coffel of the Downtown Phoenix Journal got this one just right when he said “He came to this conclusion not based on what the Suns can do, but based on what he saw the Lakers do to the Jazz.” And that’s exactly right. Plaschke’s such a dunce that he doesn’t find it necessary to think before he writes. And that’s really it, isn’t it? This “analysis” by ol’ Billy doesn’t have anything to do with how these two teams actually match up or anything about how they’ve played against each other. In fact, in true Plaschke style, he doesn’t even consider the team the Lakers will be playing against. It’s not like he even applies some sort of mathematicals equation wherein he decides that A > B > C, where A=Lakers, B=Jazz, and C=Suns. That would be wrong, but not nearly as idiotic. No, Plaschke decides that A > B, and therefore, A > Everything. He’s dumb.
Tomorrow we’ll look at the actual matchup, not-Plaschke styles.